Girlfriend-Induced Amnesia

Have I forgotten that I have small children? Some days, I honestly do. Like last night, for instance. I met up with a few of my best friends at our sons' T-Ball practice. All three of them have two boys, one who is on the T-Ball team, and the younger sibling who was practicing with them. Thank you to sweet little BC from The Campbell Corner for not practicing with the team, because my two girls were grateful for your company!

Whenever I see my girlfriends I get really excited to have a moment to catch up with them. Except that I momentarily forget that I am still responsible for my children. I like to call it "Girlfriend-Induced Amnesia". I just zone in on my friends and forget all about the three little children I brought with me.

At Huckleberry's practice last night I had both my two year old daughter, Pumpkin Pie (she's into EVERYTHING and my four year old daughter, Chicken Nugget (who has decided that she really just likes to hang all over me, most of the time).

Still, I try to have a normal conversation with my girlfriends while trying to tell Chicken Nugget (in my own little sign language, so as not to interrupt the conversation that I'm desperately trying to be involved in) that I just can't hold her one more time today. I pacify her for a brief few minutes as she goes to play with BC. I then realize that in the course of helping Chicken Nugget and hearing a few bits and pieces of the conversation I'm really not involved in at all, Pumpkin Pie is nowhere in my sight. Then I see another mom scoop her up as she is running towards flying t-balls and six year olds running around the bases. "Thanks", I say horribly embarrassed that someone else is watching my kids more closely than I. And then I think to myself, OK, I can go back over to my friends.

Not quite, the girls both have to go to the bathroom, great. Take them to the public bathroom, ew. Girls room isn't open, so I'm now in the men's room, and yuck there is also no soap. Gross.

OK, we're back. Where were we... (I want so desperately to be in this conversation, but have I forgotten that I have three children, two of who are not in T-Ball practice)? Apparently I have. So as I realize I'm AGAIN not paying any attention to them I glance around - Oh good, they are entertaining themselves in the double stroller. Pumpkin pie is pushing Chicken Nugget in the stroller. Great.

It feels like such a tease to have my friends right here and not be able to talk. So I try again to be involved in a conversation that was really never meant for me to be a part of... and then I hear a scream. The same mommy friend who saved Pumpkin Pie from being attacked on the T-Ball field, has now scooped up Chicken Nugget - the double stroller is flipped backwards and her mouth is filling up with blood. And what am I thinking you ask? Here's what I'm thinking - (I can't believe another mom saved both of my girls tonight, you are a terrible mother AND my next thought is - I will really get NO TIME with my friends). I rush them both down the street to our house - which thankfully is four houses down from the TBall field. I'm carrying Chicken Nugget and trying to drag two year old Pumpkin Pie - she isn't keeping up - what's wrong with her? uh - perhaps it's because she's two you idiot and her legs are like five times SHORTER than yours! So I scoop her up in my other arm (that's also carrying my thermos of tea that I thought I'd get a chance to sip while talking to my friends) and take them home. Take care of the boo boos and grab two popsicles (popsicles make most boo boos feel better).

As I head back to field, the notion of having time with my friends has slipped away. And in my heart I tell the Lord that I know I've been really selfish for the last 45 minutes. I have three beautiful children who need my attention. I don't get to choose my friends over my children like I tried to today. So now, I'm back at the field.

I now don't even desire to talk to anyone. We sit at the picnic table and eat popsicles as the TBall practice is ending. And amazingly, when I sit with the girls and give them my undivided attention, like a good mommy should, we finish the practice without incident. Hard to believe, I know.

I have such times of selfishness that I'm embarrassed. Embarrassed that I can't die to myself each day and give my kids my very best - even when my friends are there and all I want to do is have adult conversation with these friends I treasure. But then God reminds me of the three little treasures He gave me... and right now, they need me, all the time - but they won't always. In fact, I'm already noticing this with Huckleberry - and it makes me a bit sad. (Not ball your eyes out sad, but like "aw - he doesn't need me as much" sad). So instead of being mad Lord, help me to remember there will be more times for "me time" as they get older and to treasure the times with them now.

I gotta tell ya - the next time I run into this dilemma, I pray God reminds me of this crazy night where I tried to be both girlfriend and mommy. I'll give up multi-tasking and just be a mommy in those moments... and schedule a coffee date with my friends for later that night.