Three weeks ago I went to the dermatologist. Normally when I go for a routine six month check up for my psoriasis, I sit in the chair (not even on the examining table) and show him the spot on my arm and he checks my scalp. Very uneventful.
This time, since it's EVERYWHERE, I had to undress and wear a paper cloth. So, I'm sitting on the exam table, wrapper in a big piece of paper. My doctor comes in, looks at me and says, "so, how are you feeling". In my brain I say, "look at me, how do you THINK I'm feeling". But instead I chuckle and then proceed to say, "i've been better". Then he says, "we'll start you on the lightbox right away, I've seen improvement with this type of psoriasis in the past". The nurse will get you started. And he's gone.
I proceed to start sobbing in the exam room. I'm not sure why, really. Maybe because I can't believe it's gotten this bad again. Maybe it's because my doctor showed not a stitch of compassion, and that day I could have really used some. Maybe it's because going to the dermatologist was admitting it was really back and I was not in control. Who knows why, but I cried. I got dressed, composed myself and spoke with the nurse.
She walked me downstairs to the other offices, and explains that three times a week, I'll have to come to the lightbox. The lightbox is a large booth with UVB lightbulbs that run the length of the booth. The lightbulbs are on all four sides of the booth. I am exposed to strong amounts of UVB light for about two minutes. Here's the theory behind phototherapy: "exposing affected skin cells to UV light through short, frequent sessions of exposure causes the skin cells to die, eliminating or improving symptoms, providing relief from psoriasis. Although it isn't a cure, it can significantly help."
I stepped into the lightbox for my first treatment that day. And as the lights came on, I just began weeping. I felt like my condition was finally being addressed, and I was so grateful that I was getting help. Then I began reciting the 23rd Psalm to try and calm myself. And what I love about Scripture so much - is that it works. It can calm you in times of distress, give you hope in times of despair, give you wisdom in times of uncertainty. I love the 23rd Psalm. So every Monday, Wednesday and Friday during my "lightbox" treatment, I recite this Scripture. And it blesses me.
I will be tracking with pictures my progress as the phototherapy continues. After three weeks, I'm starting to see that there isn't as much scaling on my face. I'll keep you posted as time goes on. In the meantime, here's a peek at what the phototherapy lightbox. My kids think it's "so awesome".
4 comments:
Kids do love it for some reason. We used to tell keds that it was our space ship.
Not so much fun for adults though.
My prayers will continue. It is so amazing to see your kids and husband and all of you go through this. I know many have said it before but you are so beautiful inside and out!!!!
From one Jersey girl to another someone says something mean to you just let me know. I might have to lean back on my old days and bust something!!:)
I'm learning so much! I can't believe all you have to go through to conquer this issue - inside and out. I'm impressed by your stamina and your honesty. And I love that I'm learning about you and about psoriasis. You are doing an amazing thing, sharing like this.
I keep getting weird messages in my email when I comment - "client account unavailable," "undeliverable mail" type stuff. I didn't email the comments, but I wonder if your email changed? Just curious about the emails
You've shown tremendous grace and strength as you've walked through this time in your life. You're an inspiration to your kids, husband, and all of us who are fortunate enough to call you 'friend.'
Post a Comment